They Want You Emotional and Reactive. Don't Be.
The world will make you emotional, reactive, and distracted. If you let it.
Being emotionally reactive is holding you back. It’s why you keep gaining weight, why you’re lonely, why you’re not progressing in life the way you want. You eat when you’re stressed or bored. Dating takes a back seat because of your insecurities. Impatience and fear of failure keep getting in the way of the business you want to start. You’ve probably had an experience where you’ve started, you’ve put in the work, you’re close to the end, and then you let it all fall apart. But it’s all in your head. It’s all because you keep reacting to emotion. To how you feel. The solution is to become detached. Here’s how.
Internal World (Desires and Insecurities)
We’ll get into how other people can play with your emotions, both in social interactions and in marketing, but first, I want to get into how you play with your emotions yourself. You spark your own emotions through your desires and insecurities. You let your mind travel to past experiences or to future events. That affects the decisions you make. Which isn’t always in your best interest.
Let’s use the example of starting a business. If you’re like myself, you’re educated and ambitious. But it’s being too smart that hold you back. People who’s minds are smaller are less aware of the chance of failure. So they take more risks. And because they’re less hesitant, they move with more confidence, which increases their chances of success. They also have less options. They have to make it work. While you know you could apply yourself to anything. And it’s the options that keep playing with your head. You could go the normal route, get a job, experience little risk, and do very well. You see too much. You’re on one path and you know you could walk on hundred others. You’re more than capable of getting to the top. It’s you letting your mind drift to desires and insecurities, and the resulting emotions, that are holding you back.
Working with your desires and insecurities is a deeper routed issue, I want to focus on the emotions that follow. Emotions are an evolutionary mechanism. They’re there to help us make decisions. They motivate us to behave in certain ways. In the wild, fear motivated us to run from danger. Envy motivated us to climb up the social ladder. Anger motivated us to protect what is ours. But when you’re working towards your long term goals, like starting a business, emotions only get in the way. It’s impatience that has you looking at other options. It’s fear of it not working out that has you doubting whether you should carry on. You have to learn how to override those emotions.
Start by taking a step back to recognise the source of the emotion: your desires and insecurities. That instantly detaches you from the emotion itself. Now you’re in a more rational state of mind. You’re then faced with a choice: react to the emotion or ignore it. When deciding what to do, think whether reacting to the emotion will work towards your long term goals. More often than not, it doesn’t. Once you recognise that, you’re able to move with a greater sense of clarity. As you keep moving forwards, knowing you’re moving towards your long term goals, the emotion itself will pass. Then you can take comfort in knowing you made the right choice.
Real World (Social Interactions)
We’ve talked on how you letting your mind drift to desires and insecurities can spark emotion. Other people can trigger you in the same way. Which again, affects your decision making, and can work against your long term interests.
Let’s carry on with the example of building a business. Feeling lonely, frustrated, jealous, and under pressure are all part of the process. Even though building a business is something everyone wants to do, and you’ll see countless people on social media building their own, it’s still uncommon. Most people go the traditional route. They get jobs and receive all the benefits that come with it. They have stability and can relate to everyone else. When you interact with these people, it only makes those feelings stronger. They'll say you’re wasting time. They’ll look down on you. It’s the microexpressions. The slight smirk on their face, or even a look of concern, that gets to your head.
I’ve already mentioned one function of emotion, decision-making, but there is another. Back in the tribal days, emotions improved our ability to work as a team. Expressing emotions communicates to others how we feel. And other people relate to that. That’s called empathy. It’s like when you’re watching a movie and you experience the same emotion as the character. And that’s exactly how you gauge the impression other people have of you. From the smirk on their face to the look of concern. Even if they don’t say anything, you can tell what they’re thinking. But you don’t have to let it get to you. You can simply observe.
Imagine being a scientist watching a chemical reaction. The reaction being other people. Their expression, tone of voice, and the words they use. That mental frame adds another layer of detachment. They can laugh, criticise, or look down on you, but you’re completely unaffected. They can’t get to you. They’re unable to trigger a reaction. All because you’re seeing things from the third persons perspective. It’s like a shield. Whatever anyone says or does hits that shield. You don’t allow it to get in. You remain internally calm. And from that place, you can continue making decisions that are in the interest of your long term goals.
Digital World (Marketing and Media)
We’re increasingly spending more time online. The digital space offers another opportunity for people to play with our emotions. From marketing to media. Allowing them to influence us. To make decisions in their best interest. Which are not necessarily in our own.
Let’s say your business has picked up and money is rolling in. It’s tempting to reward yourself with flashy purchases—cars, watches, holidays—to show the world you've made it. Marketing and media thrive on this emotional reaction, constantly fueling desires for status and instant gratification. But this is a short-term decision driven by insecurity and the need for validation. These purchases increase your expenses and limit your ability to reinvest in your business. It’s a trap many fall into, and some spend years trying to crawl back out.
The world has changed, but human nature hasn’t. We’re still driven by fear, envy, and status. Marketers understand that. They know what buttons to push to activate our emotions. They craft messages that speak directly to our evolutionary instincts. Moving us in the direction that they want us to go. Not necessarily where we want. The only way to avoid that entirely is by spending no time online at all. Which isn’t realistic. Instead, you must learn to play the game yourself.
The power is in words. The selection of words in a sentence can change your emotional state. It can make you feel angry, happy, jealous, or guilty. Your job is to increase your awareness. As you travel the digital world, take note of how messages affect your emotions. This again causes you to detach. You’re now observing, not reacting. Giving you the clarity to make rational decisions and not emotional ones.
Final Thoughts
I’ve used the example of starting a business throughout this article. But everything I’ve said applies to both fitness and relationships. Your desires and insecurities keep you from getting in shape and dating. Reacting to other people and their opinions get in the way of progress. Allowing yourself to get distracted has you losing focus. The key is to practice emotional detachment. Stop reacting. Stay focused on what matters, and everything else will fall into place.
Ready to Reach Your Next Phase?
Become your best version yet.
