Wasting Your 20s? Read This.
What if everything we’ve been taught about ‘success’ is wrong?
I’ve wasted years chasing the wrong things. I know how that feels. And I know how that ends. I’ve seen it in some of my elders. They give advice. But when I look in their eyes, I can see they’re still not at peace. Still feeling empty. Still trying to escape. Still needing distractions to get through the day. I don’t have it all figured out. But I know I don’t want to end up like that. So here’s the path I’m on now.
Pain over Pleasure
Pleasure now and pain later. Pain now and pleasure later. Most choose the first option. And keep choosing the first option. They choose pleasure now. When the pain eventually catches up, they choose pleasure again. It keeps them trapped in the short-term. They want to build for tomorrow. But they can’t. Because their mind is focused on numbing the pain today. It kills their potential.
We are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. In the wild, that helped us survive. But we don’t live in that environment anymore. Our basic needs are met. Survival is no longer the issue. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase: hard times create hard men, hard men create easy times, easy times create weak men. We live in easy times. But we don’t have to be weak. If we can bypass our impulses, we can use these easy times to our advantage.
The answer is to choose pain. Choose hardship. Choose struggle. Not meaningless pain though. But pain that leads to growth. Like choosing the bench over the sofa. Pain is simply the price of building. And it’s a price worth paying. It’s the people who can tolerate pain that will shape the future. Everyone else will be left in the past.
Experience over Escape
The comfort zone is a cage. Most choose not to leave. But they still want to feel something. So they reach for escapes. Social media. TV shows. Even music. They live through content rather than living themselves. Experiencing life through a screen. It’s low effort. Low risk. But also low reward. It’ll take your mind somewhere else. For a little while. When you eventually look up though, you’ll still feel empty.
It’s fear holding you back. Fear of the unknown. It has you playing it safe. Makes you miss opportunities. Limits your growth. And that leads to a life half lived. As Lewis Carroll said: “in the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make”. That’s the cost of choosing escape.
The alternative is experience. If you want to do something, do it. If an opportunity presents itself, take it. And see it through to the end. Failure will always be a risk — but it’s usually worse in your head. Most of the time, you learn a lesson. The very worst case is death. But that’s coming for you anyway. And when that moment arrives, either you lived fully — or you didn’t.
Fulfilment over Fun
Most think their 20s are for fun. That’s how they waste them. Rosters. Parties. Holidays. They’re chasing happiness. An emotion that’s short lived. A feeling that fades. So they never feel satisfied. And they stay stuck running on the hedonistic treadmill. Like a hamster on a wheel — moving, but going nowhere that matters
The feeling we’re all chasing is fulfilment. Being content. At peace. Not having a hole to fill. That doesn’t come from comfort. It comes from pursuit. You can technically pursue anything. But the quicker you achieve it, the faster that feeling fades. And what’s easily obtained is rarely worth obtaining. Like how long does that new car feeling last? A week? Then it’s normal. Then you’re empty again. Then you’re on to chasing the next.
The solution is purpose. A lifelong pursuit. That’s why religious people are often more content — they’re pursuing something until the day they die. Whether that’s heaven or enlightenment. Maybe that’s for you. Maybe it’s not. But you need to find something that’s worth living for. Something that gives your life direction. You still can party and travel if you want. But you don’t need it. Because you already feel fulfilled.
Values over Validation
People will do anything for validation. They optimise for it. Even if it sets them back. They say things they don’t mean. Buy things they don’t want. Do things they don’t like. They start to feel a gap between who they really are and the person they show the world. Then they seek more validation. Which only widens that gap.
We lived in tribes. We’re social creatures. Back then, being disliked meant getting kicked out of the group. It meant being alone. And being alone meant death. That instinct is still in us today. It’s why we try so hard to be liked. Why being alone hurts. Why we seek validation from others. We still have to play the social game. But now we have to play it smart.
Instead of chasing everyones approval, try winning your own. Live by your own values. Say what you mean. Do what you want. You become a magnet. Pushing some people away. But drawing the right people in. You’ll end up with more people around you — people who actually get you. And all you did was become more authentic.
Selflessness over Selfishness
Social media makes us anxious. It’s built on competition and comparison. Everyone’s trying to get more, be more, do more. We chase outcomes and ignore the process. It also feels shallow. A life of accumulating items just to get more likes.
The Bhagavad Gita says: selfish desire leads to attachment. Attachment leads to fear and anger. We focus on what’s missing and we feel behind. In essence, wanting more for ourselves makes us feel worse.
Selflessness has the opposite effect. When you let go of cravings, the mind becomes still. You feel grounded. Then serving others gives your life purpose. That might mean caring for your family. Or using social media to be a positive influence. Not to impress. And when you give without expecting a return, you’ll find that people often give back.
Final Thoughts
Let me round this off with the ideal: Have a selfless purpose. Live by your values. Pursue it even when it’s hard. Do that — and you’ll live a life worth living.
Ready to Reach Your Next Phase?
Become your best version yet.
